Discord was sitting on the couch with the cutie mark crusaders around him, all four watching the television Discord repaired. "Coming up next, it's the super ultra scary Dogzilla movie!" Sweetie Belle screamed in terror before the TV went on, "And of course Dogzuki who's adorable comedy relief is there to cheer up the young ones." Sweetie breathed a sigh of relief, which didn't last long before the TV roared again, "But of course Dogzilla is still there to scare the pants off you!" Sweetie screamed yet again. "But don't worry, because Dogzuki is here for you, fillies." Sweetie sighed again making Apple Bloom and Scootaloo giggle. "Except for you 'Cutie Mark Crusaders', because Dogzilla is coming to get you!"
All three girls went wide eyed, clinging to Discord as they screamed. Discord held up the remote and said, "Alright, time to change the channel." He flipped through the stations, which quickly calmed the three girls. He paused on one station and said, "Hey look, it's the award ceremony your big sisters and the rest of the mane six are at." Luna was at the podium, giving a speech, all the girls lined up on either side of her. When the camera panned to Pinkie Pie she smiled and waved. "Oh look, Pinkie is waving at us."
Raising her eyebrow, Apple Bloom said, "Mistah Discord, Pinkie's just waving at the camera. How in Equestria would she know specifically when we started watching?"
"So you guys finally decided to watch the ceremony, huh?" Everyone froze and looked to their right to see Pinkie peeking over the arm of the couch. They looked back to the TV to see she was no longer there with the others, and back to the Pinkie right before them. The Crusaders screamed clinging to Discord, who held out his hands and turned to stone. Pinkie laughed and crawled on to the couch. "Looks like I scared Discord to stone again. And the only cure is true love's first kiss!"
"Don't tease me woman, we've kissed plenty of times before." Discord broke his stone like appearance and glared at Pinkie, who closed her eyes half way and brought her nose to Discord's. They stared at each other for a moment, before Pinkie affectionately rubbed her nose against Discord's. He snatched her up in a snuggle, chuckling while she giggled her head off. Then he set her back down and waggled a paw finger at her. "Love, you mustn't sneak up on us like that!"
Pinkie tilted her head and said, "How do you want me to sneak up on you?" A hoof tapped on his shoulder from behind as she said, "Like this?"
Discord yelped loudly and twisted around to glare at a second Pinkie and say, "Knock it off!" The second Pinkie walked off as he turned back to the one on the couch before him. "Shouldn't you be at the ceremony love?"
"Nah! I'm the last to give a speech, so no one will notice if I'm gone for a little while." The Crusaders pounced her, making her laugh as they piled on top of her. "Hello girls! I hope Discord is being nice to you three!"
They all nodded in agreement. Apple Bloom flailed her front legs in the air and said, "Discord is super fun, and incredibly nice!"
Sweetie Belle bounced around in a circle and continued, "He tells us stories, and always makes sure were entertained!"
Scootaloo sat next to Pinkie and said, "He reminds us of you Pinkie. Or, do you remind us of him
Why can you do some of the things you do anyways?"
"Well, to explain that," Discord began, "I'd have to go back and tell you of the first time I babysat Pinkie Pie."
"Ohhh snap!" Pinkie Pie shouted. "Things are about to get serious up in here! We better put on our serious hats!"
Discord smirked at this and replied, "You're absolutely right Pinkie!" He reached behind the couch, and sat a chicken down on his head. "Serious time!"
The girls laughed and pointed their hooves at him. Apple Bloom wiped a tear from her eye and said, "Mister Discord, why are you wearing a Scootaloo on your head?"
Scootaloo glared at her and bucked her off the couch. Discord answered, "I'm wearing this chicken because it's my serious hat, and things are about to get super serious up in here. Isn't that right Pinkie?"
"Word," she responded with her eyes obscured by a plunger on her head.
"You three should grab some serious hats too, so we can take you seriously." Discord points to the kitchen and says, "Go grab some."
The three girls look between each other and rush off to the kitchen. Many clangs can be heard before they come back one by one. Apple Bloom wore a pot on her head like a helmet, and Sweetie Belle wore a spaghetti drainer in a similar manner. Scootaloo on the other hand came back with a pair of Kamina glasses on and asked, "Does this count as a serious hat?"
Discord replies. "Only if you wear a cape that matches," and pulls one from behind his back. He puts it on the filly and says, "Voila! You are now eighty percent cooler! Now that everyone has a serious hat, we can begin the story of my babysitting Pinkie Pie. You see it all started when a certain cyan pony's sonic rainboom caused a surge of chaotic energy, which of course became my responsibility to handle."
Discord made his way down a dirt road, leading to a rock farm. He held a banana to his ear and said, "Look Celestia, I know you want me to find and collect that surge of chaotic energy, and I will! It's at this rock farm right? Well I just got a babysitting request for this farm, so while I take care of the fillies I'll keep my eyes peeled. Like this banana." He peeled the banana and takes a bite. "Mmm, can't hear you, my phone is delicious, and high in potassium. I'll call you back." He glanced at the banana peel that was left over and made it vanish with his magic. "Be free banana peel, to make Celestia slip into something inconvenient."
"You must be Discord." A rather old looking brown mare that reminded him instantly of an Amish trotted up to him with a soft smile. "My name is Clyde. I own this farm with my wife Sue."
He motioned for Discord to follow him, and slowly made his way back to the house. Discord followed and said, "About that. How do you farm rocks exactly?"
"Well I don't much know how to explain it myself, but this patch of land has been passed down in our family for generations. You see the rocks on this land grow minerals within them, and we mine those minerals for profit."
Discord blinked and said, "So you grow minerals like gold and amethyst here? That's delightfully impossible! It seems this place has always had a small taste of chaos in it, so that means that rainboom must've sucked some of the chaos from the earth into a pony."
"What was that?"
"Nothing, but tell me, was there anyone out here in the fields during the rainboom?"
"Ah! Pinkamena told us about how beautiful it was. She was the only one out here to see it though. She's the reason we called. You see normally we could expect our daughters to be responsible while we're away, but Pinkamena
well she's brightened up things around here, she hasn't quite been the same since it happened."
He motioned to a pink filly by the house, who was rolling around in a patch of green grass. She giggled and said, "Yay, grass!" She rolled a little too hard and slammed into the side of the house.
Discord laughed and said, "I could see her excitement of grass growing in this patch of dirt, but I see what you mean. Hmm, she must be who I'm looking for."
Clyde nodded and said, "Just take care of the girls while their mother and I are away. We won't be gone long. We just need to deliver some of our recent harvest to town."
Pinkamena skipped into the house as the mother made her way out, helping the father set up a cart which they had stuffed with rare minerals and metals and began to drag off down the dirt road. Discord stepped into the house to find three little fillies staring up at him. "I know your names, and I've shortened them for my convenience. You will be Inkie, you will be Blinkie, and you my dear will be Pinkie. My name is Discord, lord of chaos, and your babysitter."
"Hello mister Discord," the three girls chimed together. Pinkie looked off to the side and gasped, rushing off.
Discord watched her go towards a cupcake on a table, jumping up to try and get to it. "Okay, you two, I notice your sister's hair looks like cotton candy while both of yours look like they fit this bland setting. Have you noticed anything odd about your sister lately? Something you can't explain."
They both nodded quickly. Inkie said, "She did an entire personality shift! It's really fun, but really weird!"
Blinkie nodded in agreement and added, "Plus, she can do all kinds of things that we can't. Just watch." The three of them looked over at Pinkie, who pouted staring up at the cupcake on the table. She then ran back, away from the cupcake, only to from the opposite direction on the table. She then claimed her prize and ate at the cupcake. "You see!"
"There's no way she could do that without chaos pumping through her right now. Your sister has chaotic energy in her. I'm going to try an extract it, but I may need your help. Can I count on you two?" The two girls saluted him. Pinkie's ear flicked as she listened in, and she got a mischievous grin. Discord made his way over to Pinkie-
Pinkie: And that's when he met the mare of his dreams who he would someday marry!
Discord: Pinkie, I'm the only one who tells these stories. Don't interrupt me you silly filly.
Pinkie: Whoopsie poopsie!
Discord: Where was I? Oh yes!
Discord made his way over to Pinkie and said, "Excuse me, but may I borrow you for a mo-"
Discord paused for a moment, taken back by this outburst. "Um
Pinkie Pie giggled and said, "You're my babysitter aren't you? I just ate, and it was kind of dry. Can you make me some lemonade?"
The draconequus stared at her for a moment and said, "Suuure, why not. Then we talk. Do you have any lemons?" Pinkie pointed out the window, and a lemon tree had grown from the patch of grass on the side of the house. "That wasn't there before. Are you sure you wouldn't rather drink your own spit?"
"You have an endless supply."
"And it's heated to your body temperature."
"Okay, fine! One fresh squeezed lemonade coming up!" Discord stomped out of the house and floated up to the lemons. "Brat wants fresh squeezed lemons. We'll see how bratty she is after I pull all that chaos out of her." He began picking lemons along the branch. "Lemon. Lemon."
He came to Pinkie sitting on the branch, who handed him a large round object and happily stated, "Beehive."
Discord took it with a thankful smile and said, "Beehive
Wait." A swarm of angry bees assaulted him, and he flailed and screamed before falling to the ground groaning from the bee stings.
Pinkie walked up next to him and said, "You'll never get my chaos without a fight stinky head! So try and catch me, stinky head!" She took out a skunk from behind her back, which sprayed Discord in the face.
He screamed and covered his face rolling around on the ground. "Oh god, it stings and stinks at the same time!" Pinkie laughed and scurried into the house. Discord took out a can of tomato juice and used his one fang as a can opener, opening the can and pouring its contents on his face with a relieved sigh.
He then glared at the house and rushed in after her. He looked dumbfounded as in the middle of the living room was a giant jack-in-the-box, which Inkie and Blinkie stared at in awe. Discord stroked his chin and walked over, eying it carefully. "Look mister Discord! It's like a present just appeared! Is it from Santa?"
Discord shook his head and said, "No, this has Pinkie written all over it." In fact it did, in pink marker. "I'll need you two to help me catch her." He stacked the two mares on top of each other, handing the one on top a butterfly net. "I'm going to turn the crank, and you two catch her in the net when she pops out." He grabbed the crank and turned it, pop goes the weasel playing as he did. When he reached the end of the song, the box sprung open, and a spring loaded pie flung out and slammed into his face, exploding and covering him in spicy rainbow before it shut itself. Discord screamed and wiped his eyes clean with a growl, grabbing the butterfly net. "Change of plans. This time, you turn it, and I catch her." The two girls rushed over excitedly and climbed atop each other again to turn it, playing the song again. When it reached the end this time, the walls of the box fell to reveal a large bomb with a lit fuse. It rolled gently over to Discord's feet, and exploded. Discord coughed up some smoke, completely singed, and his net disintegrated.
Pinkie Pie's laughter could be heard, as she rode up on a toy car. "You look like an avocado dipped in berry juice! Oh, and, you'll never catch me! Silly filly!" She gave him a raspberry, turned around, and rode off.
"Two can play at this game missy!" He shook off the soot covering his body and pulled a pair of toy cars from behind his back, setting them down on the ground before sitting the sisters on them. "After her!"
The girls cheered as they drove off into the house. They quickly came across Pinkie wearing fake glasses and a moustache as she held up a sign that said, 'Needs a ride'. The girls pulled up and Blinkie asked, "Where are you heading?"
Pinkie replied, "New Mare-xico."
Inkie clapped her hooves and said, "I always wanted to see the south west! Hop on!"
Pinkie jumped on her back and the three girls drove off. Discord tapped his foot impatiently and said, "What's taking those girls so long?" He noticed a phone ringing and picked it up. "Hello?"
Inkie, Blinkie, and Pinkie all sat on beach chairs wearing sombreros and drinking umbrella drinks. Inkie said, "Discord! We're in Santa Fe'!"
Discord slapped his paw to his face and said, "Get back home right this minute young ladies!" He was immediately flattened by a train, the conductor being Pinkie who happily yanked on the cord to the horn before driving off.
Inkie bounced a potted cactus on her head, while Blinkie sported her new sombrero. They walked up to their flattened and twitching babysitter and Blinkie happily stated, "Discord! We brought you a cactus!"
He responded by groaning angrily. "I lothe that filly." He stuck a talon in his mouth and blew on it, pumping air back into his body before brushing himself off. "Okay, new plan! Instead of us going after her like she expects, we have to do something she won't see coming. And no pony in this somewhat mid-evil cartoon would ever expect
a robot!" He pulled one from behind the couch. The robot looked like a vacuum cleaner with a head and arms. "You, go catch Pinkie!"
The robot said, "You mean that silly pink pony? Oh yeah I caught her a few minutes ago. See?" He pulled open his chest and held out Pinkie, who stuck out her tongue with a giggle before he shoved her back in. "Easy peasy, man."
Discord stared for a moment and then thrust his arms in the air. "Yes! Victory! That was easier than I thought it would be! This calls for a group hug." Inkie and Blinkie leapt into his arms, Pinkie jumping from the robots chest to join the warm hug before quickly jumping back in. "Now I can finally take away her chaotic energy, and send her back to normal."
Inkie and Blinkie gasped and blocked his way to the vacuum bot. Inkie stated, "What do you mean send her back to normal?!"
"You can't change our sister!" Blinkie continued. "We were all miserable before Pinkie got like this! Sure she's a little wild, but she makes us smile and we love her!"
The rushed over and hugged his legs crying. "Please, leave Pinkie alone!"
"We like her like this mister Discord!"
Pinkie popped her head out of the robot with watery eyes and a quivery lip. Discord held his chest with a 'Hnnng!' and said, "Alright, turn off the water works. I gotta admit, you gave me a run for my money Pinkie. I only caught you because you practically handed yourself to me. You could be a lot of fun with the right training. I'll talk to Celestia later about letting you keep your chaotic energy." All the girls cheered and hugged Discord giggling, the robot rolling over and joining the group hug this time as they all laughed together.
"And that's the story of how I first met, babysat, and discovered Pinkie's powers. The end." Discord rubbed noses with Pinkie affectionately. "Who knew I'd fall in love with her when she got older?"
"Actually, I have a different question." Scootaloo raised her hoof and said, "What happened to that random robot in the backstory?"
Discord said, "It grew up to be Sweetie Bot."
"Sweetie who now?" Sweetie Belle asked with a shocked look.
They were all interrupted however by a knock to the front door. Pinkie rushed over and said, "I'll get it!" She slammed into the door and stood there like that. "Ding dong!" There was another knock on the door. "Ding dong!" Yet another knock came to the door. "Ding dong!" A bright light began to glow from behind the door, and it was suddenly knocked off its hinges by a powerful blast. The door, and Pinkie, slammed into the wall. Pinkie opened the door and said, "Who is it?" before face-planting on the floor.
Princess Celestia marched in and floated into the air, glaring at Discord. Scootaloo waved and said, "Hi mom!"
Celestia smiled and said, "Hello sweetie. Enjoying your slumber party?"
"Yeah! Discord is awesome!"
"I'll respect your opinion and agree to disagree. Now mommy has business to discuss with him."
Discord Blinked and said, "What the
you can't just pass off something like that casually! Don't you think that's a little shocking news for the readers?!"
"Not important!" Celestia screamed. "I can't even sleep at night without you bothering me anymore! How dare you turn another pleasant day into hell for me! I am seriously fed up with this, do you hear me?!"
"If you're so serious where's your serious hat?" Discord crossed his arms looking up at her.
Celestia paused and landed on the ground. "What are you talking about?"
Discord pointed to the chicken on his head and said, "We can't take you seriously unless you wear a serious hat like the rest of us"
Everyone else stated, "Seriously."
"Oh come now," the princess began. "I don't seriously need to-
" She thought for a moment about who she was talking to and sighed in exhaustion before using her magic to teleport a sombrero on her head. "Happy?"
Everyone nodded and Discord said, "Proceed with your fury oh mother of my child." Everyone froze and their jaws dropped, especially Celestia who blushed profusely. "What? Too soon?"
Pinkie plucked the plunger off her head and said, "Discord
is that true? Did you have a child with Celestia?"
Discord grew pale and said, "Oops
yes Pinkie. I have a daughter. Well, we have a daughter."
Celestia sighed rather loudly. "Unfortunately he's right. And she takes more after her father than me"
"Is that why you never bothered to help raise her?"
"Don't you dare go there Discord!
"Who is it?" Pinkie interrupted their feud, looking between them. "You two are gods, so she must be too. So who is it?"
Celestia and Discord looked at each other and thought for a moment. Discord rolled his eyes and said, "Oh fine, I'll tell her. Pinkie, my daughter is-"
"DADDY!" Derpy Hooves burst through the ceiling and clung to Discord. "Daddy, I need your help!"
Everyone but Discord and Celestia's jaws dropped collectively again. Pinkie shouted, "Derpy?! You've been my friend since we were fillies! Why didn't you ever tell me you were Discord's daughter?!"
Derpy blinked and said, "I am? Oh yeah, I am! But that can wait. Daddy, I need a harmonica! The fate of time and space depends on it!"
Discord stared at her and said, "How in the world would a harmonica-"
"Too late." The next thing anyone knew, the entire room was surrounded by a swirling purple vortex. Everyone floated into the air as the floor disappeared, and the furniture was tossed about before being flung beyond the walls of the vortex. "You should've given me a harmonica while we had time."
The cutie mark crusaders screamed and flailed as they spun around. Apple Bloom clung to Discord's face and said, "Mister Discord, what's going on?!"
He simply shrugged and said, "Apparently Derpy tore a hole in the fabric of time and space. I don't know how she did it but I will say I'm impressed."
"Impressed!" Celestia flapped her wings trying to get closer to him. "This is why our daughter is so chaotic and awkward! Instead of disciplining and correcting her like a normal parent, you applaud this kind of behavior! How do you expect her to stop her from breaking everything including reality if you don't even tell her it's wrong?"
Discord snarled and said, "At least I love who she is! Maybe if you weren't so preoccupied with your fat royal flank, you could've been a decent mother in the past millennium!"
Derpy flew between them and said, "Mom, dad, this isn't the time or place! I screwed up, I'm sorry! Please stop fighting, I hate it when you two fight!"
Scootaloo had an unamused look on her face as she said, "Yeah, the fighting is really what we should be worried about right now."
"Look everypony!" Sweetie Belle pointed upward. "We're moving towards a light!" The light slowly engulfed everyone, and as it faded, they found themselves on a wooden floor with the smell of salt water in the air. "W-Where are we?"
Discord looked around squinting his eyes. "I think we're in another dimension."
Celestia rubbed her head and said, "What brought you to that conclusion?"
"Them." Discord pointed to what looked like Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Scootaloo, and Derpy Hooves dressed in pirate clothes. There was also what looked like a stitched up version of Rainbow Dash, as well as one with short hair wearing a beanie and a collar with Fluttershy's cutie mark on it. They all growled and aimed cutlasses at them. "Hey look Derpy, and you too Scootaloo. You both now have twin sisters. Be sure to give them lots of love before they make you walk the plank."
Celestia gulped and shouted, "Get us out of here!"
"Oh fine," Discord said with a grunt. "Can't even take a joke." He snapped his finger, and there was a long silent pause between everyone. Discord snapped his finger again and said, "Well would you look at that. I'm not the god of chaos in this dimension, so my powers don't work. Well, where were we then?" Several blade tips pointed to his neck. "Oh right, about there
End Part 5